Subject: Work Wise / Modesto Bee Placement
From: "Merilee Kern" <[email-masked]>
To: <[email-masked]>
Date: Wed, 30 Mar 2011 22:22:00 -0700

http://www.modbee.com/2011/03/18/1604828/workwise-when-your-co-worker-is.html

Columnists - WorkWise®
Friday, Mar. 18, 2011
WorkWise: When your co-worker is a bully
"My horrible co-worker is a bully who terrorizes the entire company," e-mails Lynn, a pseudonym. "He belittles, lies and threatens to get his way. He berates his employees in front of others and has private confrontations/conversations in the halls, allowing all to witness his management style." What can you do in a situation like this beyond quitting your job or ignoring the jerk?

Many people accord a bully power. When the bully is a co-worker, doing so creates a power imbalance. Complicating the relationship encourages him (or her) to have something over you.

Try distancing and visualizing a barrier separating you from the bully, advocates Nancy Irwin, Los Angeles-based psychotherapist, clinical hypnotist and speaker. She also maintains that "the person ... wants attention and/or power and may have learned early on that negative attention is better than none." 

 
Bernadette Ann Marciniak - Carly Drum helps new placements who find themselves up against a bully. She's managing director of Drum Associates Inc., a global executive search firm in New York City. 
If these tactics don't work, think about going on the offensive. However, New York City's Carly Drum, managing director of the global executive search firm Drum Associates Inc., remarks that complaining to a supervisor may backfire. Drum has advised placements who discovered a bully in their new jobs. She notes that most of the time, bullies carry on unconfronted.

"Try to handle it on your own," Drum advises. "These people often get figured out very quickly, because they're often acting inappropriately in other areas of their work." John McKee of BusinessSuccessCoach.net LLC, in Thousand Oaks, Calif., cautions against becoming intimidated. "Present yourself assertively," he points out, "and the person is more likely to back down."

Raise the issue one-on-one to encourage the person to change targets. Irwin counsels saying, "Hm ... This seems like a threat to me. Can you help me to understand what you'd really like from me?' The bully will see you're an assertive person."

No luck? Don't give up. Drum suggests scheduling a meeting at a neutral location with just the two of you. Take a strategy, with specifics about how your work is affected. Skip the personal, mentions of other people and "a griping session." Tell the person that "we need to figure out a solution."

GETTING HELP

Third parties may also be helpful. "Suggest that a respected co-worker, not the supervisor, take the co-worker to lunch to share some observations," says Bob Kelleher, CEO of The Employee Engagement Group Inc., in Waltham, Mass. "This person should be coached, preferably by HR or (a trainer) before the luncheon."

The vice president Lynn approached about her situation agreed with her that it was deplorable but claimed he couldn't help because of the relationship between the bully and the company owner. "(Lynn) needs to coach up and tell the vice president to stand up a bit," McKee explains. "She can help the vice president understand what to do without putting himself at risk.

"Use open-ended questions," he continues, "such as, 'What do you think is going to happen to you if you give this person the help he needs? Is there any way you can help yourself without putting yourself in jeopardy? We often have self-limiting opinions" that foster inaction. Questions like these might well spark an idea.

"The unfortunate reality is that bullies exist in almost any situation starting in the schoolyard and right through life and career," McKee adds. "Accept that and make sure you aren't setting yourself up as an easy target. You may not be able to get the bully out of your life, but you can (assure that) he doesn't spend time on you."