Reply-To: "Merilee Kern" From: "Merilee Kern" To: Subject: Work Wise / Modesto Bee Placement Date: Wed, 30 Mar 2011 22:22:00 -0700 Organization: Kern Communications MIME-Version: 1.0 Content-Type: multipart/related; boundary="----=_NextPart_000_00C4_01CBEF28.E37F1D40"; type="multipart/alternative" X-Priority: 3 X-MSMail-Priority: Normal X-Mailer: Microsoft Outlook Express 6.00.2900.5931 X-MimeOLE: Produced By Microsoft MimeOLE V6.00.2900.5994 This is a multi-part message in MIME format. ------=_NextPart_000_00C4_01CBEF28.E37F1D40 Content-Type: multipart/alternative; boundary="----=_NextPart_001_00C5_01CBEF28.E37F1D40" ------=_NextPart_001_00C5_01CBEF28.E37F1D40 Content-Type: text/plain; charset="iso-8859-1" Content-Transfer-Encoding: quoted-printable http://www.modbee.com/2011/03/18/1604828/workwise-when-your-co-worker-is.= html Columnists - WorkWise=AE Friday, Mar. 18, 2011 WorkWise: When your co-worker is a bully "My horrible co-worker is a bully who terrorizes the entire company," = e-mails Lynn, a pseudonym. "He belittles, lies and threatens to get his = way. He berates his employees in front of others and has private = confrontations/conversations in the halls, allowing all to witness his = management style." What can you do in a situation like this beyond = quitting your job or ignoring the jerk? Many people accord a bully power. When the bully is a co-worker, doing = so creates a power imbalance. Complicating the relationship encourages = him (or her) to have something over you. Try distancing and visualizing a barrier separating you from the bully, = advocates Nancy Irwin, Los Angeles-based psychotherapist, clinical = hypnotist and speaker. She also maintains that "the person ... wants = attention and/or power and may have learned early on that negative = attention is better than none."=20 =20 =20 Bernadette Ann Marciniak - Carly Drum helps new placements who find = themselves up against a bully. She's managing director of Drum = Associates Inc., a global executive search firm in New York City.=20 If these tactics don't work, think about going on the offensive. = However, New York City's Carly Drum, managing director of the global = executive search firm Drum Associates Inc., remarks that complaining to = a supervisor may backfire. Drum has advised placements who discovered a = bully in their new jobs. She notes that most of the time, bullies carry = on unconfronted. "Try to handle it on your own," Drum advises. "These people often get = figured out very quickly, because they're often acting inappropriately = in other areas of their work." John McKee of BusinessSuccessCoach.net = LLC, in Thousand Oaks, Calif., cautions against becoming intimidated. = "Present yourself assertively," he points out, "and the person is more = likely to back down." Raise the issue one-on-one to encourage the person to change targets. = Irwin counsels saying, "Hm ... This seems like a threat to me. Can you = help me to understand what you'd really like from me?' The bully will = see you're an assertive person." No luck? Don't give up. Drum suggests scheduling a meeting at a neutral = location with just the two of you. Take a strategy, with specifics about = how your work is affected. Skip the personal, mentions of other people = and "a griping session." Tell the person that "we need to figure out a = solution." GETTING HELP Third parties may also be helpful. "Suggest that a respected co-worker, = not the supervisor, take the co-worker to lunch to share some = observations," says Bob Kelleher, CEO of The Employee Engagement Group = Inc., in Waltham, Mass. "This person should be coached, preferably by HR = or (a trainer) before the luncheon." The vice president Lynn approached about her situation agreed with her = that it was deplorable but claimed he couldn't help because of the = relationship between the bully and the company owner. "(Lynn) needs to = coach up and tell the vice president to stand up a bit," McKee explains. = "She can help the vice president understand what to do without putting = himself at risk. "Use open-ended questions," he continues, "such as, 'What do you think = is going to happen to you if you give this person the help he needs? Is = there any way you can help yourself without putting yourself in = jeopardy? We often have self-limiting opinions" that foster inaction. = Questions like these might well spark an idea. "The unfortunate reality is that bullies exist in almost any situation = starting in the schoolyard and right through life and career," McKee = adds. "Accept that and make sure you aren't setting yourself up as an = easy target. You may not be able to get the bully out of your life, but = you can (assure that) he doesn't spend time on you." ------=_NextPart_001_00C5_01CBEF28.E37F1D40 Content-Type: text/html; charset="iso-8859-1" Content-Transfer-Encoding: quoted-printable
http://www.modbee.com/2011/03/18/1604828/workwise-when-your= -co-worker-is.html
 
Columnists - = WorkWise=AE

Friday, Mar. 18, 2011

WorkWise: When your co-worker is a=20 bully

=93My horrible co-worker is a bully who terrorizes the entire = company,=94 e-mails=20 Lynn, a pseudonym. =93He belittles, lies and threatens to get his way. = He berates=20 his employees in front of others and has private = confrontations/conversations in=20 the halls, allowing all to witness his management style.=94 What can you = do in a=20 situation like this beyond quitting your job or ignoring the jerk?

Many people accord a bully power. When the bully is a co-worker, = doing so=20 creates a power imbalance. Complicating the relationship encourages him = (or her)=20 to have something over you.

Try distancing and visualizing a barrier separating you from the = bully,=20 advocates Nancy Irwin, Los Angeles-based psychotherapist, clinical = hypnotist and=20 speaker. She also maintains that =93the person ... wants attention = and/or power=20 and may have learned early on that negative attention is better than = none.=94=20

Bernadette Ann Marciniak - Carly Drum helps = new=20 placements who find themselves up against a bully. She=92s managing = director of=20 Drum Associates Inc., a global executive search firm in New York City. =

If these tactics don=92t work, think about going on the offensive. = However, New=20 York City=92s Carly Drum, managing director of the global executive = search firm=20 Drum Associates Inc., remarks that complaining to a supervisor may = backfire.=20 Drum has advised placements who discovered a bully in their new jobs. = She notes=20 that most of the time, bullies carry on unconfronted.

=93Try to handle it on your own,=94 Drum advises. =93These people = often get figured=20 out very quickly, because they=92re often acting inappropriately in = other areas of=20 their work.=94 John McKee of BusinessSuccessCoach.net LLC, in Thousand = Oaks,=20 Calif., cautions against becoming intimidated. =93Present yourself = assertively,=94=20 he points out, =93and the person is more likely to back down.=94

Raise the issue one-on-one to encourage the person to change targets. = Irwin=20 counsels saying, "Hm ... This seems like a threat to me. Can you help me = to=20 understand what you=92d really like from me?=92 The bully will see = you=92re an=20 assertive person.=94

No luck? Don=92t give up. Drum suggests scheduling a meeting at a = neutral=20 location with just the two of you. Take a strategy, with specifics about = how=20 your work is affected. Skip the personal, mentions of other people and = =93a=20 griping session.=94 Tell the person that =93we need to figure out a = solution.=94

GETTING HELP

Third parties may also be helpful. =93Suggest that a respected = co-worker, not=20 the supervisor, take the co-worker to lunch to share some = observations,=94 says=20 Bob Kelleher, CEO of The Employee Engagement Group Inc., in Waltham, = Mass. =93This=20 person should be coached, preferably by HR or (a trainer) before the=20 luncheon.=94

The vice president Lynn approached about her situation agreed with = her that=20 it was deplorable but claimed he couldn=92t help because of the = relationship=20 between the bully and the company owner. =93(Lynn) needs to coach up and = tell the=20 vice president to stand up a bit,=94 McKee explains. =93She can help the = vice=20 president understand what to do without putting himself at risk.

=93Use open-ended questions,=94 he continues, =93such as, =91What do = you think is=20 going to happen to you if you give this person the help he needs? Is = there any=20 way you can help yourself without putting yourself in jeopardy? We often = have=20 self-limiting opinions=94 that foster inaction. Questions like these = might well=20 spark an idea.

=93The unfortunate reality is that bullies exist in almost any = situation=20 starting in the schoolyard and right through life and career,=94 McKee = adds.=20 =93Accept that and make sure you aren't setting yourself up as an easy = target. You=20 may not be able to get the bully out of your life, but you can (assure = that) he=20 doesn't spend time on = you.=94


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